Featured

First blog post

This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

post

Advertisements

I need Thee, oh! I need Thee..

When I am down in the gutters and I cant seem to find my way.I need Thee, oh! I need Thee…

When I am up on the hilltop and I am screaming success.I need Thee, oh!, I need Thee…

When I struggle with my demons and Im fighting to get out..I need Thee, oh!, I need Thee..

When I am triumphant and I am dancing and stepping out seemingly unencumbered..I need Thee, oh!, I need Thee…

Full circle I have come in this maze that we call Life..We roll along sometimes feeling as if : Wow! Life cant get any better or Wow…when will this ever ends?

How we deal with the hands that we are dealt with in life is how we write that narrative that speaks to those choices; but one thing I am sure whatever story that I pen and in every step of my Moment of Truths..I Need Thee, Oh! I Need Thee!!!

Im so good…

I struggle to find words just to say how I feel but you chose to walk away before I could formulate the words…but Im so good.

I smile when I see that you have moved on without even batting an eye on the love that we had shared..but Im so good..

I watch as you love on that person the way you use to love on me..but Im so good.

I hurt as I stand and see you hold and touch that someone else the way you use to touch me..but im so good…

Now you stand before me begging me to forgive and forget, You claim you made a mistake by being too hasty in your decision and that all along, I was The One…

Boy, I have struggled, smiled, watched and hurt on my own until I learnt how to stand on my feet without You and I have found that I love that feeling..

So You!! I Am So Good, Really Good,without you!!

Boy Bye!!!

..Author Unknown

I am taking control of me..

I am taking control of me..this baby who was ripped from her mother’s arms..she cried all the way into the country side while on her way to be with her father’s mom..it is said that my aunt was so embarassed because of how I cried without a break all the way home…

I am taking control of me..this young girl who makes friends but still finds herself on the outside of the circle because of the secrets she held..secrets that could destroy so many but set her free..

I am taking control of me..this young woman searching for who she is..so lost, wandering in a sea of chaos.,

I am taking control..of this woman..she has been through so much..shes been used, abuse and let go but yet still she finds herself clawing, clawing out of this unfortunate situation. The only thing that kept her and her will..is knowing and clutching to the belief that one day things will get better. ..

I am taking control of me..because I love me..I realized that ME is who I want Me to be..

I am taking control of me..because it is time to be..ME!!

This butterfly is breaking free…

This butterfly is breaking free…free from all that has been holding her back, free from the past..

This butterfly is breaking free…free from the negativity that was thrown her way and she fell for it..

This butterfly is breaking free…from the whatifs, mighthavebeens, couldhavebeens..taking control of her life and transfoming it into itis….

This butterfly is breaking free…to live life outside of that box that society created for me.

This butterfly is breaking free…free to scream, run and dance to the beat of my own drums..

This butterfly is breaking free….And it feels AWESOME! !!

I walked away..thought I had lost!!!

I walked away thinking I was a failure, thinking that I could never be that greatness I set out to be, thinking that, saying I am my best self is a cliche; thought I had lost…

I walked away believing that I could never do or be anything better, thinking I am apart of this statistics, falling below that hideous line; thought I had lost…

I walked being so disappointed in myself but still believing I did my best, which was such I lie; thought I had lost..

I walked away afraid of looking in the mirror because I was scared of what I would see-a weak failed excuse for a person; thought I had lost…

I walked away just to find out I did it just to regroup and come back to recognize and validate my greatness, finally living my best self because truth be told I am authentic…I could do better and I did, I was never apart of that so-called statistics, there was never any line because I was never behind any..

I walked back to that mirror and I stared her down and what I saw was a great, fulfilled, beautiful image looking back at me..

I walked away not to lose but to come back and claim my victory, my trophy and my crown!!!!

Its so hard..yet so easy

Its so hard to think about my successes because they have been so few and far between

Yet so easy to think about my failures because I feel like one everyday…

Its so hard to make plans for the future because everything I plan or touch dies

Yet so easy to wake up and live in limbo and take it as the day gives because that means I will not be killing anything….

Its so hard to get up and face each day because there is nothing for me to do, only doing the same thing over and over and over

Yet so easy to daydream about the plans I have that need to be put in place, the trips and places I need to go….

Its so hard to get myself to open this page and just write my thoughts down that flows through like a angry river

Yet so easy to think that I want to start writing to relieve myself of this dark cloud that is always in plain waiting waiting to swallow me up….

Its so hard…I recognize and know what I need to do

Yet so easy to say..Tomorrow..I Will….

Im so lost…

I run, I run and I struggle to find my way…ohhhh..Im so lost!!!..

Lost in me..in this abyss of emotions..that I can’t decipher. ..

Who is this person? ..staring back at me in this puddle of water..she looks so…lost…gone..desperate. .find me…

Im so lost…..will I ever be found…

Who Im I

Who is this stranger staring back at me in the mirror? Who is this person that gets up everyday thinking that all will be well on this day and at the end of it she’s so disappointed. Disappointed in who she has become, question is, DID YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN?.Here is this Individual who never knew that it was important and imperative that she makes friends with herself first…question is, DID SHE EVEN KNOW WHO SHE ISWAS?..She is struggling with things that people find so natural to do…like; whats your favourite color?, what is your favorite music?…simple things in another persons life BUT not simple to her.

For so many years she was focused on her survival; Survival of the fittest they say…but who was she competing against…turned out, she was competing against a little girl that was so lost and so arrogant… competing against a lost soul who was drowning…drowning in a sea of heartbreak, abuse, deceit, rejection and pain…

Abuse from her past, persons who made sure she knew that she was worthless, will always be worthless and she would never amount to anything…

Heartbreak from the first man that was ever in her life …DAD..he broke her heart by abandoning her emotionally and physically. ..the first man to ever tell her she was not worthy of anyone loving her because she was worthless. ?.

Deceit from people you allow in your life because they sold you a better tomorrow…deceit from loving the wrong person…who told you it was love, how do you know love when it was never presented or expressed to you in all your life…

Rejection…from the love of your life..DAD…Rejected me, told me I would never amount to anything..told me that I would be eating from garbage bins very soon…rejection from the love of my life…

Pain…pain so heartrending when you realize that the love of your life..DAD…hates you with a passion that is so In describable..and you knowing that all you have ever done is try to get the love of your life..to accept..YOU..

QUESTION IS…WHO IM I..

Im a child that was rejected, abuse, hurt and tossed aside..

Im a teenager..looking for that socalled love that you hear everyon talk about, in tbe wrong g places…

Im a woman..still searching…for what?????

Im I Worthy……

Im I worthy to be loved?..I’m I worthy of someone…anyone seeing me?..Im I worthy of being that special someone to someone else?…Im I worthy of being the heart and soul of a home, the beacon in the night, a leader in any capacity? ..Im I worthy of you thinkng of me first whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a warm hug?..Im I worthy of being that person you chose to walk down the isle to you, the build a home with, raise kids and build memories with?…Im I WORTHY OF BEING ME??